Dealing With Anger

1. Be aware of your anger and reflect on what triggered it off.

2. Retrace your thoughts to where the angry feelings first welled up.

3. Relive the situation, in a quiet place by yourself.  Say all the things you would have liked to have said but didn’t.

4. As your anger runs itself out, check out what other feelings were in you.  Were you blaming someone else to avoid feeling the hurts, sadness, helplessness, etc. that the situation aroused?

5. Sit quietly and feel the unpleasant emotions.  Imagine the person with whom you were angry sitting opposite you.  Tell him or her how you saw the situation and how you felt when you were ignored, frustrated ... or whatever.

6. Next opportunity you have with your partner (or workmate, parent, etc.) talk about what had been going on, if it is appropriate.  If you were the only one aware of it, don't go to another person, talk to God about it. 

In a Relationship

1. Trace any troublesome situations and the common triggers to your fights.

   •     Is there a bad time of the day?

   •     Check pre-menstrual tension.

   •     Parent arguments

   •     Are you reminded about other stressful which causes you to flare up?

   •     Are you ‘kicking the cat’?

   •     Are you feeling scared about marriage?

2. As soon as you notice any anger signs, stop the action.

   •     Am I talking faster, more loudly?

   •     Am I aware of tension, lightness in my body?

   •     Am I putting up my defences?

   •     Are my claws showing?

   Either pick up the communication and/or decision making skills,

   or take time out.

3. Taking time out allows you to cool off.  

   Say to your partner “Hang on, I’m getting angry.  I need some time to cool down and think a bit.”

   Time out is not walking out and avoiding the issue.  It will give you time to work out what is going on.  But don’t leave the issue hanging.  Arrange for a time to come back to it -  half an hour, tomorrow, or at some other specific time.

4. Later ask yourselves how you feel.  Use your communication skills to share your feelings, then your decision making skills to discuss the issue.  If tempers flare again, repeat the steps for fight control.

5. Come prepared when you need to discuss difficult issues.  Check out how you feel about the issue, see if there is an inappropriate amount of anger attached to the issue and see if there are links to any past situations.  Deal with those first.

6. Remember, arguments serve no useful purpose in your relationship.  Take time to learn how to prevent them without ignoring the situations.  Then there’ll be no regrets.

[Home] [Up] [About Crying] [Dealing With Anger] [Depression] [Suicide] [Gambling in Australia] [Is Gambling a Problem for You] [Why Marry] [Drought Proofing Your Marriage (Part 1)] [Drought Proofing Your Marriage (Part 2)]

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Last modified: 13 May, 2008