Maintaining healthy and growing relationships requires good communication and good conflict resolution skills.

I remember talking to a couple from the Gunnedah district who claimed that they had never had an argument in their 30 years of marriage.  ‘Wow!’ I thought, ‘I’ll bet one of them is a dictator and the other is a doormat – a peace-at-any-price person!’

Being human, it is nigh impossible for two thinking, rational, mature adults never to have an argument in 30 years.  In fact, it is unbelievable.  Arguments are inevitable.  We need to learn that it is okay to disagree and learn how to disagree and fight with integrity.

Pressures from life whether they are health, finances, children and even the drought may cause conflict.

So how do we resolve conflicts?

• Choose the right time and place to sit down and discuss the issue.

• Resolve negative emotions as quickly as possible. 
  Paul the apostle is wise in saying in Ephesians 4:25-27,

Stop lying to each other, tell the truth … when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves.  If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge.  Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

• Agree on the issue to be resolved!

• Be clear about each others needs and fears.

• See if you can find common ground for agreement.

• Brainstorm some ideas.

• Agree on a solution to try.

Don’t forget to pray together.

If we listen carefully to each other’s needs and fears, and seek not a win-lose but a win-win resolution, resolving conflict creatively can be an effective way of producing growth and bring couples and families closer together.

Rev Brian Kirk

Executive Director

Anglican Counselling Service

[Home] [Up] [About Crying] [Dealing With Anger] [Depression] [Suicide] [Gambling in Australia] [Is Gambling a Problem for You] [Why Marry] [Drought Proofing Your Marriage (Part 1)] [Drought Proofing Your Marriage (Part 2)]

Send mail to eservice@acsdarm.org.au with questions or comments about this web site.  For general enquiries see the Contact Information.
Last modified: 13 May, 2008